When You Don’t Even Know Fear is Holding You Back

Are you the type of person who doesn’t fear much?  Some people let fear hold them back; do you consider yourself to not fall into that camp? Do you think of yourself as someone who doesn’t really worry much?

I always thought of myself as someone who wasn’t really a worrier. I didn’t let fear rule my life! I do what I want! I go for it!

I mean, I know worry and fear are really common emotions and experiences. But I wonder if there are other people who feel immune to their pull.

Well I had a realization today. And it brought me to tears. I didn’t know what to do with it.

Fear so paralyzing you don’t even know it’s there

I feel stuck.

As I mentioned a month ago (holy macaroni it’s been that long?!), I spent this summer spiraling down into a pretty severe depression. Typically, as I start climbing out of the black hole, I start working my way back into blogging more regularly.

Well, here’s a confession: While I’m not yet feeling 100%, I probably could’ve continued blogging after that aforementioned post, instead of waiting nearly a month before writing again.

And yet I didn’t.

I was perfectly capable of doing so. After all, I went through over 650 emails in my blogging account to get back to inbox zero. I started reading others’ blogs again. I even came up with a 4-hour daily schedule to organize my blogging efforts. But I didn’t implement it.

I’m trying to make sure I’m taking this blog in the direction I really want it to go. I’m trying to figure out what that looks like, what that means. But amidst all that figuring, I wasn’t actually doing.

And in the process, it hit me like a ton of bricks:

I’m afraid.

When it comes to my blog and all things associated with it, I am terrified of making mistakes.

I ask for advice from my blogging tribe members. I play devil’s advocate in response to their advice. I spend so much time thinking, overthinking, analyzing, overanalyzing. Every. Little. Aspect of all of this.

I want everything to be perfect.

Perfection

Everything must be EXACTLY right. No mistakes allowed.
(source)

Granted, perfectionism is something I’ve battled throughout my life, and I feel I’ve made great strides in combatting it in some ways. But I’ve never seen it as a monster giving birth to a baby fear monster that held me back. I thought I was immune to that aspect of perfectionism. Yet I’m clearly not.

This desire to get everything right – this fear of screwing anything up – has kept me from making pretty much any progress on my blog in the past month.

Moving forward

So that’s where I am right now.

If you’ve never failed, you’ve never tried something new.

Taking my blog to the next level is new to me. I must learn to accept the fact that if I want to get anywhere with this, I’m going to make mistakes along the way.

I’m not quite sure how to let go, to be honest.

BUT, I do believe that awareness is always key, that it’s always necessary before you can make progress. And today, I gained that awareness.

Join the conversation in the comments section below!

How have you pushed past fear in your own life? What are your best tips for letting go of the fear? Share your secrets with me! Do you see yourself as someone who is held back by fear a lot, or are you more the type to be motivated by it instead?

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