Apr 242014
 

I wanted to take a break from my regularly scheduled postings to have an honest talk with you. Hope that’s okay!

That can’t be real

I witnessed something the other day that brought back a flood of memories.

One girl – I’ll call her Becca – was being all positive, hopeful, and optimistic in her speech. She was so happy she was basically glowing. Someone else, who I know is struggling with depression right now (I’ll call her Sara), looked at her almost in disgust. Sara voiced her thoughts:

Who is really that positive? That can’t be real.

Of course, Becca was being real. But Sara was in a place that was so far removed from the idea of having positivity or optimism that it seemed to her that Becca must be forcing it. In her mind, that much positivity just isn’t normal.

Memories…

It reminded me of when I was in high school. I saw myself in Sara.

I used to say that for me, the glass wasn’t half full nor half empty; rather it was completely empty because it had fallen on the floor and shattered and I’d stepped on it and was now bleeding to death.

Yeah. That was me.

I was close friends with my high school guidance counselor (we’re still friends to this day), and she had a similar countenance about her as Becca does. I would tell her all the time:

You are way too positive, Mrs. L.

Just like Sara, it seemed so unreal and so unreachable that it almost disgusted me.

Granted, I was steeped in a deep depression at the time. But I don’t think you have to be depressed to be skeptical of the realness of extreme positivity.

I have a point, I promise

So let me jump to the present day.

I have this blog, maybe you’ve heard of it? Haha seriously though, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I am now a very positive person. I find myself relating far more to Becca in the situation above than to Sara. And that blows my mind.

But this has gotten me thinking. I strive to be as authentic as possible in this blog. In fact, although I’ve used this blog at times as a means to help me learn to be more positive (by faking it ’til I make it), I’ve always done my best to make it obvious what my true feelings were, even as I worked to change them.

And as those of you who are regular readers will remember, a couple weeks ago I had a HUGE breakthrough in a weigh-in post. I had a less than stellar week, but as I read through my recap of the week, I realized that I had emphasized and focused on the positive more than the negative all throughout the recap! Without even trying.

That’s just one more sign of many that all that hard work over the years to become a more positive person is paying off!

And I’m sure you can guess it: Mrs. L teases me a lot these days, telling me I’m “way too positive”. I’m okay with that.

But here’s the deal. I’m realizing that the more positive I become, the greater the chance is that I could come across as inauthentic to those who struggle to see the world through the same rose colored lenses.

This is a healthy living blog. A weight loss blog. But my heart goes out to those who struggle with depression. I know that depression can exacerbate weight issues, and I ache to help others who are dealing with those two burdens. Here’s my fear: will my authentic positive self alienate those who I wish to help?

I don’t think I have the answer to that. It honestly might. I truly hope it doesn’t.

One of the reasons I’m writing this is to simply share with you. I want you to know what you can expect out of me. You can expect me to always be as authentic as possible. If I’m having a rough time, you’ll know about it. But don’t be surprised if I do my damnedest to find some silver lining in the rough time.

The other, bigger reason I’m writing this is to offer a bit of hope. If you’re a pessimistic person, that doesn’t mean you’re necessarily destined for pessimism the rest of your life. I’m living proof that you can change your natural leanings with a lot of hard work. And let me tell you, that work is SO worth it.

Join the conversation in the comments section below!

Do you see yourself more in Becca or Sara? Or are you somewhere in the middle? If you relate more to Sara, do you think you’ll ever try to change that?

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